20 Rugby World Cup Semi-Final Predictions

1) Controversial refereeing decisions and a dubious yellow card will have a great influence on the result of both matches.

2) French spectators who have never been to a game in their life and have no idea what is going on will start Mexican waves at inopportune moments.

3) Channel 10 commentator Ben Tune will refer to players by their country of birth rather than the country they're playing for.

4) Channel 10 commentator Ben Darwin will make overly scientific explanations about what happened in a collapsed scrum and why twisting a shoulder 5 degrees in the wrong direction will result in the sort of injury that ended his career.

5) Both matches in New Zealand will be outrated by early morning video film clip television programs.

6) Both matches in Australia will be outrated by the SBS test pattern.

7) A South African tourist in Argentina will be shot.

8) Jonny Wilkinson will score all of England's points (ooh - tough one that).

9) Argentina will kick the ball - a lot.

10) Sebastien Chabal will promise publicly that if France win the World Cup he'll get a crew cut and plait his beard live on TV.

11) Argentina set a World Record for rolling a maul for 22 minutes but only making 20 metres but they don't care because they're up by 3 points at the time.

12) A South African winger dies of boredom.

13) Finally, the moment the World has been waiting for over the entire World Cup - a female streaker.

14) On Sunday Rugby takes front and back pages of the Buenos Aires Herald.

15) On Monday corruption resumes its usual place on the front page while rugby is relegated to one column three pages from the back.

16) England was robbed.

17) The Central Coast Rays celebrate a glorious nail-biting win in the inaugural Australian Rugby Championship. What World Cup?

18) Traffic to the Rolling Maul returns to the usual dribble now that the English have better things to gloat about.

19) France 24 England 12

20) South Africa 30 Argentina 6