The Back of Burke - Hopefully

Matt Burke came back. And it made no difference.

Earlier this season you may recall that Matt Burke, a goal kicker of some limited repute (record pointscorer and goal kicker for the Waratahs, most points in a calendar year for the Wallabies) was an aficionado of Kurtley Beale's arse. But not his kicking style. Drafted by Chris Hickey to teach Beale to kick, he perched delicately behind Beale's arse each time he took a goal kick. Suffice to say that much like any of us would, Beale found it off-putting, flubbing most of his kicks and sending the Waratahs to early season victory after victory.

It was an interesting couterintuitive tactic that worked a treat - ugly kicking formed the foundation of an ugly game that found the Waratahs were in the top four despite barely a kick at goal going through the posts or a kick in general play finding a gap or the side line.

Then Matt Burke went missing, Beale was sent to the bench and the Tahs started losing.

Evidently the Matt Burke influence was required - and last weekend he returned to his cherished anus ogling role, this time Daniel Halangahu feeling the full force of his penetrating gaze. Alas it made bugger-all difference. The gloss of Matt Burke's distinguished career now a dull shine and a snagging memory of lost opportunities and record losses to the Crusaders.

Fortunately the ARU have come to the aid of the Waratahs. Matt Burke has been appointed as an ARU Classic Wallabies Statesman. Much like the Holden Statesman we can expect him to be large, smelly, noisy, overpriced, inefficient and a fuel guzzler. And hopefully too busy stating the obvious to make it out onto the field in his other role as glorified water boy.