It's Official: The Brumbies are Rubbish

It may be too early to dance on the grave of the Brumbies, but for all those long suffering Australian Rugby Union fans in New South Wales and Queensland who looked on as the ACT established the closest thing we've ever had to an arrogance borne of success, this is pretty sweet.

The concept of the Brumbies one day officially being garbage crept up last season but no one really believed it.

At the beginnning of this season it looked like a hiccup. But of course hiccups are damn difficult things to get rid of. It's now fully fledged and confirmed. The Brumbies really are crap.

Matt Giteau went public saying they were lazy but refusing to name names. Expect the public slanging match to start soon. Coaches will leak the names of players they want to sack. Players will leak the names of other players they don't like. The administrators won't leak anything but that's because they couldn't organise a piss-up in a brothel. OK so that's a mixed metaphor but an apt one because the Brumbies are fucked.

Matt Giteau may be the acting captain of the Brumbies but clearly he's not a captain of the leading by example variety. His example has been less than inspirational, less George Gregan two steps backwards than crab-like two steps sideways. And don't even mention his kicking which is so ordinary he makes Berrick Barnes look good. So he's on shaky ground as a public representative.

The game passed Giteau by about two years ago. It sped up, did a couple of sideways jinks, chipped, chased and grew a full head of hair before shaving its chest and planting the ball in the corner. Giteau's faux hawk is so 2008 and so is his playing style. In getting rid of the blonde highlights he also seems to have lost his pizazz.

So sack as many real coaches as you want Brumbies and hire as many unqualified former players and drinking buddies to the coaching staff as you can find. It won't help. This fish isn't rotting from the head it's rotting from the guts, and only a complete disemboweling can remove the stench. Fortunately, a few more shocking losses and public machinations and the rib cage will be exposed for all to see.

The Brumbies will get better eventually, but in the meantime they deserve a few quick kicks to the goolies to release years of pent-up frustration from Waratahs and Reds fans. When they do get better let's just hope they still fill the pain in the gonads and will have learnt something from the episode that led to the tears.

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