Izzy Going To The Waratahs?! Izzy What!?

Reports (rumours, speculation, player manager tactic, journalistic shenanigans) that Israel Folau, failed code jumper extraordinaire is talking (or whoever does the talking for him) to the Waratahs should come as no surprise to jaded Australian sports fans and casual observers who have seen this sort of thing before. The only surprise is that once Falau admitted he was crap at Aussie Rules that it hadn't started earlier.

It will all come to nothing of course and Folau will take the big bucks on offer in Europe or Japan (or the A-League), that's what usually happens. He may not end up in sky blue, but hopefully he's opened the floodgates for switched on Waratahs officials looking for a marquee player to make the turnstiles spin and get some eyeballs if not points on the scoreboard. Here's some other talent the Waratahs should consider...

UPDATE: What do you know? Folau signed with the Waratahs for one season (he must have commitment issues). Fortunately that frees up 2014 for the following potential marquee players...

Ricky Ponting
Punter has just announced his retirement from international cricket but he'll need an outlet to keep the competitive juices flowing. He's got great hands as his slips fielding suggests and is quick off the mark. He's also an aggressive little prick who just loves getting in the face of opposition players and even umpires.
Suggested position  Halfback
Suggested asking price  $450,000

David Beckham
It's no secret that Becks has had a gutful of LA and who wouldn't? It's the only place on the planet more plastic than he and Victoria are. His feelers are out and he's supposedly considering the A-League, but nothing's been finalised yet because if it had you can bet the story would have leaked out. Clearly Beckham can kick a ball with power and precision and the fact that he rarely touches the ball with his hands shouldn't impact on Waratahs tactics as they already kick too much anyway.
Suggested position  Five-Eighth
Suggested asking price  $1,300,000

Lleyton Hewitt
His career may be plunging faster than Australia's manufacturing industry, but Hewitt has shown all the guts and aggro needed to be a success at Rugby Union. He's a keen Aussie Ruler in his spare time too which is handy because he'd be familiar with the egg-shaped ball and can kick. Most importantly, he can play injured, and with the current spite of injuries at the Waratahs anyone who can stay on the field after breaking a leg or rupturing something is worth gold.
Suggested position  Fullback
Suggested asking price $700,000

Mark Webber
Timing is Mark Webber's strongest suit. After winning a couple of early season Grand Prix in 2012 he negotiated a contract for 2013 and then coasted for the rest of the season, barely making the podium. He's tall and heavy for a Grand Prix racer and doesn't mind being squeezed into cramped hot positions for hours on end. He was also a Canberra Raiders ball boy so knows a thing or two about the Rugby codes.
Suggested position  Lock (second row)
Suggested asking price  $1,250,000

Lance Armstrong 
Having a questionable sporting record has never been an impediment to success on the Rugby field. That's what penalties, red cards and suspensions were introduced for after all. When all's done and dusted your legacy is still your on-field performance that counts. So the fact that Armstrong is a proven cheater is irrelevant, indeed some players make a career of it, just look at Richie McCaw for a perfect example. Armstrong also has great leg drive and balance.
Suggested position  Breakaway (Flanker)
Suggested asking price  $100

Ian Thorpe
With the Olympics just a memory, so too is Ian Thorpe's career. Thorpe has height, a great reach and may not mind sticking his head between two men's butts. He's also supposedly broke so might come cheap.
Suggested position  Number 8
Suggested asking price  Some nice jewellery will probably do it


Anonymous said…
I just realised BB and LH are the same person.