Lord How? Super Rugby Final Needs A Neutral Venue

Could this be the future venue of a Super Rugby final?
The Brumbies ran out of puff. Wusses. So what if they had to travel 30,000km to get there. The Rolling Maul rode a bike 50km today and still had enough energy to go pick the kids up. But you don’t see the Maul grumbling about the Maori guy who got there first.

Actually, that’s the weird thing about the Brumbies. They aren’t whingeing at all when they have every right to. Finals should be in neutral venues, and if an Aussie team is playing a NZ team then the final should be in South Africa.

OK, maybe that’s stretching it a bit – both teams would have to travel half way round the world and hardly anyone would show up to watch. Clearly a compromise is required, so perhaps if we draw a straight line between Hamilton and Canberra then the final should have been at the closest piece of land to that point – Lord Howe Island.



Think about it; warm and sub-tropical climate encouraging ball handling and open, expansive game attractive to spectators and broadcasters, great scenery (so long as the game is played during the day) that would out the Tour de France to shame, lots of bird watching of the kind that won't get players into trouble and enough adventure sports to compliment the Rugby.

There isn’t actually a footy ground on Lord Howe or much flat land, but there is a beach, and as anybody who has played touch footy on the beach knows, it's great fun to play and watch. And best of all, dogs are welcome to participate.

Who says there's be no spectators at a South Africa vs
New Zealand Rugby final played half way between them?
Of course, if a South African team was involved in the final then Lord Howe wouldn't suit at all. Even the top of Lord Howe's peaks aren't at altitude and no one in South Africa knows where the island is.

So geographically, using the same logic that came up with Lord Howe Island as the neutral venue for New Zealand teams vs the Brumbies, any final involving South African teams playing Australian or New Zealand teams would have to be played on the Desolation Islands (or Kerguelen Islands), tiny French owned spots of frozen rock just north of Antarctica. The only problem may be that Wikipedia says "the climate is raw and chilly with frequent high winds throughout the year" and that might give a natural advantage to New Zealanders used to playing in Dunedin.

And finally. what if the Force are playing another Australian or Kiwi team in the final? Well, despite the unlikelihood of the Force ever playing a final, the match would have to be played atop Uluru (Ayers Rock) but that's just getting ridiculous.

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